If you go into an argument or discussion specifically trying to force you’re opinion on your opponent or for them to see things your way, you have already lost the fight because usually 9 out of 10 times the other person will retaliate in the same manor as you lead off with. Neither party wins in this kind of war, usually do to the fact that the subject matter that started the whole mess is thrown to the corner, and now the content shifts towards hurtful words or blows that are intended specifically to mentally maim or kill the opponent. When the most skilled person at “tongue lashing”, walks away with the most damaging injuries, or insults inflicted on the other, the victoriously deceived is confident that they won the argument. However, the contrary is true because what started the conflict was pushed to the side, but not forgotten, and was never resolved. Because it wasn’t resolved in that argument, another is sure to arise over the same subject at a later date.
The Fair Fight / Debate
- Let the other person finish their sentence, or point, before you shoot off at the mouth.
- Listen intently to what the other has to say with a desire to see things from their point of view. (Even though you may not agree).
- Try to understand where their coming from and why they see things the way they see them.
- Once both parties have had their say and both see things from the others point of view. (not necessarily agreeing with but at least seeing how or why)
- Compromise to fix the problem or agree to disagree and leave that subject alone on neutral territory.
- Come up with a solution that both can live with so it’s not a road block for the future anymore.
You will never win if you direct control from your mouth outward, the victory of control starts from your mind inward.
In other words: Control from “you” inward,… not from “you” outward.